The Labor and Delivery
The Labor and DeliveryThey told me I would now need to deliver Sammie. I begged them to put me to sleep and give me a c-section but they would not. I don't know why but they said I needed to deliver my son. They gave me some pitocin to get things moving and broke my water. I cried and cried that I didn't want to feel anything. Please just put me to sleep. I don't want to remember this pain. They didn't. The anesthesiologist came in and tried to give me an epidural. They had Dave leave the room. I wanted him to stay with me but hey said it had to be a sterile procedure. I bent over so they could put the needle in my back. I felt a bolt shoot down my leg. He had to remove the needle and try again. Again I felt the bolt of pain. On the 3rd try he got it right and they hooked up the epidural. After a while the pain still was not subsiding. The the epidural was not working and I was feeling every contraction full force. I just kept begging for them to stop this pain. I don't want to feel any of this I don't want to remember any of what is happening to me right now. They said sammie was close so I could just push, I refused. I wanted the pain to be gone. They agreed to give me a spinal, it would last only an hour so I would have to push my son out within the hour. So another needle was put into my back. It help a little but did not take away most of the pain. I pushed and pushed but after an hour he still had not come out. I stopped pushing because the pain had again become to unbearable. Please please make this stop! I asked why why I was being tortured so much to deliver a dead baby when I laughed out a healthy baby just 2 years before. I wanted this to be over. I just wanted to go home. I wanted my baby to be alive. I want the world to be like it was just hours before. It never would be again.
They said I had to push now, He was crowning so there was no time to administer another spinal. I didn't want to push but I did. They finally helped with some suction to pull Sammie out. They quickly took him away and the physical pain was finally over. I have been suffering from the emotional pain every day since.
Doctors and nurses tended to me. I had lost a lot of blood. they said that the cord was round Sam but that it wasn't tight. It looked like from the blood clots that my placenta had separated. A placental abruption would cause the baby to suffocate. At some point in the evening my baby suffocated to death in my body. My contractions, they speculated caused the abruption.
Sammie was born at 5:10am on February 8th, he was 9lbs 21 1/2 inches long.